After creeping into the kitchen at 3am for a sugar-filled snack while on zoom with my friends, I promise myself that when Monday rolls around I will be disciplined, wake up early and exercise, eat healthy, and focus on giving up sugar. 

The phrase “easier said than done” has never felt more apt than in these moments because when Monday does in fact roll around, my body is exhausted from having stayed up all night. A few hours into the workday, all I can think about is the piece of chocolate left in my fridge and a mid-afternoon snack. Social media and push notifications about favorite desserts on sale don’t help my dwindling discipline either.  

Sugar’s effects on one’s brain are the same as that of cocaine – once you’ve had a little, you constantly crave more. I may not have any experience with cocaine but fighting my sugar cravings are amongst the most active, mentally exhausting, and difficult parts of my day. I doubt it’s going to get any easier, especially since work from home means I have 24/7 access to a kitchen stocked with all sorts of delicious treats.

Ironically, this struggle helped me learn two very important lessons: mindfulness and forgiveness. 

All fitness and health tourism magazines preach the need for mindful eating. It’s definitely not an easy journey. I still struggle with my sugar cravings and food consumptions, but regular meditation has taught me how to be more aware of what I’m putting into my system. That’s a first big step – for me, for everyone – because it means I’m tuning into what my body is telling me it needs and when I’m being gluttonous. More than mindfulness though, this period of lockdown has taught me forgiveness. 

I learned it’s normal to not be disciplined all the time, it’s okay to have one extra piece of chocolate, and it’s important to forgive yourself when you binge on all your household snacks. I know that when the weekend rolls around and I’m on calls with friends till the wee hours of the night, I want to snack on every sweet thing that’s in my kitchen. In fact, once I’ve had that first piece of chocolate or taste of candy, I won’t stop till I’ve had every last piece in the box. I am also aware that as soon as I’m done, I feel sick, bloated, and unhappy with my decision. 

Pre-COVID times, I would chastise myself regularly for such decisions. I would spend hours in front of the mirror analyzing how all those extra pieces of chocolate looked on my body. Now, since I’m really the ONLY one looking at my body, I’m slowly accepting that it’s okay to eat more than I should with the promise of trying again and trying harder the next day to be disciplined and more aware. It’s a small step, but I know it’s a step in the right direction.